Eternal
by just.Shelly
Summary: This is Esme and Carlisle's story, at least how I imagine it.
1. Prologue

This is Esme and Carlisle's story as I imagine it.

This is my first attempt at fan fiction. I took some liberties with dates and things like that, but I am trying to stay as true to Stephanies characters and the bios that she has provided for them. This is a work in progress, but I will try to update as often as I can. I was going to shoot for 23 chapters like the books, but we'll have to see how it all goes! Thanks so much to my new beta Amber...I don't think I could do this without your help!

_All major characters belong to Stephenie Meyer and I make no claim to them whatsoever. I am not making any profit off this work._

This entire story will be in Esme's POV.

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It was like a nightmare, but I knew that it wasn't. Only a very small part of the real me was aware of what was happening. I was consumed by the part of me that at times I couldn't control. It had taken over and I couldn't fight it, I was still too weak.

I was running, tracking something into the forest. The light just barely filtered through the dense canopy of trees overhead. I had never tracked this scent before, but it was familiar to me. I knew it and I could smell the fear. This wasn't the same as the normal hunt, not as challenging somehow.

Somewhere deep inside me I could hear a familiar voice telling me that we were different. We were better than this. But I couldn't fight the thirst. The thing inside of me took over and as I reached my prey I could no longer hear it. The voice was gone. I was consumed by the burning and the hunger and I knew at this moment that the only thing that would satisfy me was his blood.


	2. Decisions

_This is a revised version of the original chapter that I posted. Thanks so much to my new beta Amber. You are a genious!_

**1921**

It would be Christmas in just three days, but it didn't feel like Christmas to me. There were celebrations going on all around me, families gathering while my heart was breaking. For years I longed to be a mother, to hold my child in my arms. Grief washed over me in agonizing waves as I remembered the feeling of my child being ripped away from me. There would be no Christmas celebrations for me this year. What would be the point?

The wind whipped my skirt around my ankles as I walked down the road toward the edge of town. The sun was just beginning to set off to the west and I could see the cliffs shadowed against the evening sky. It was freezing out, but I didn't really notice the cold. I was too focused on where I was going. I knew that I needed to get there before it got so dark that I wouldn't be able to find my way. 

A door slammed and out of the corner of my eye I caught a flash of red just as the cheery laughter reached my ears. "Oh, James, stop teasing me! You know I hate having to wait and you have been teasing me for days now. If you're going to make me wait you are going to have to just keep quiet." she said as she playfully grabbed his arm. He just beamed down at her and pulled her in close as they walked on by me.

I hurried on not looking back, but they didn't even notice me. It was just as well, I didn't want anyone to follow me or try to stop me. Not that anyone would. I know that I had been in my own world of anguish since the baby died. He was my world, the only reason that I was in this town. Now that he was gone, I didn't want to be here any longer. There was nothing for me here now.

I passed several more people before I made it to the edge of town. Like the first couple no one paid me any mind at all. I moved through the snow at a decent pace considering that I wasn't really dressed for a trek like this. I approached the trail with some hesitation. 

I hadn't really spent too much time thinking about what I was about to do. I just knew that I needed to be with my baby. I was desperate to rid myself of the hurt and grief that I had felt every minute of every day since he died. No one around me seemed to understand what I was feeling. They all went about their days like they always did. They took care of their children, their husbands, their homes. I didn't have a husband to take care of and now that my baby was gone I had no one. I was all alone here, empty. There was a part of me that was gone forever, a part that I would never be able to get back. That emptiness consumed me.

The trail started to get slick, but I could still see pretty well. It must be all the snow that was making everything brighter. The trail was lined with dried bushes, but they were sturdier than they looked. I was able to use them to steady myself when it got too slippery. I didn't notice at first that they were icy, but then my hands started to bleed from the jagged, icy branches. I was so focused on getting to the top that the pain barely registered.

I heard a long low howl in the distance. I wasn't frightened, though, it was too far away. The sound was almost supernatural, like a warning somehow. I was almost to the top, but it took longer than I expected to get there. I had never come up here in the snow, let alone at this time of the evening. I wasn't frightened, but I was a little uneasy. There was another howl, this one seemed closer. I tried to shake it off as I kept making my way to the top of the cliffs. 

I felt an odd sensation shiver though me. The howls were getting louder almost impatient. I had to stop for a second to pull my coat closer around me. My hair whipped around my face as the wind whirled around me. I had this strange feeling that someone was watching me. Making me feel…no, it had to just be my imagination or maybe my personal demons. Surely all the townspeople were safe out of the cold enjoying their families, having parties, having fun. No one knew what I was about to do.

I was at the top or the cliffs now. I could see the whole town from here. It's was like a scene from Currier & Ives. The cozy little town, yellow lights shining out of the frosty windows, smoke curling from the chimneys. I suddenly realized that I never did fit in here. My life wasn't like a scene from a story, at least not a happy one. 

I could see the school all dark and deserted for the Holidays. I wondered what would my students think? Did they like me well enough to miss me? Did they really know me well enough to care? I had only been here for a few months, not really long enough to form any relationships with anyone. It made it easier knowing that there would be no one here to mourn for me.

All of the sudden doubt hit me. What was I doing? I considered the potential consequences of my decision again. Was I really ready to do this? Just give it all up like this? I thought I might need to sit down…No, I needed to snap out of this, I needed to refocus. No second thoughts, I had made up my mind about this. There was no turning back. I wasn't giving anything up, I didn't have anything left. My life was and empty shell of ache and disappointment. There was no one to help me, no life for me here anymore.

I made my way closer to the edge. That was it, the end for me. I had this one thing left to do before I could see my baby again. Tears streamed down my cold face, they felt like ice against my cheeks. I knew I would have to do this now or I won't be able to. I was at the edge. For some reason it felt so much colder there. 

I stepped off the edge. It was like stepping down the first step at the top of a flight of stairs, but then suddenly losing balance. I felt like I was moving in slow motion, but the cold air was rushing by me so fast. Suddenly I was horrified by my decision, but it was too late and everything went black.

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My next conscious thought was filled with pain. I was burning all over. Was I on fire? I couldn't be, I was so cold before. It didn't make sense that the cold and ice could be replaced with such heat, such burning, or such pain. I didn't know where I was and the confusion just added to my feelings of discomfort. I could hear voices, but what were they saying? I couldn't make out anything, I couldn't concentrate on anything. The pain was unbearable and it was starting to consume me. I couldn't move, every part of my body felt like there was something holding it down. My blood was boiling, I had to be on fire. What else would cause this kind of pain? I couldn't take the pain any longer. My mind suddenly went blank.

"I don't think she is going to make it through this, Edward. What have I done?" His soft voice was familiar to me, but it was filled with so much pain. "What if it doesn't work this time? I don't want to lose her" 

I heard an agonizing scream. Where did it come from? Was it me? I heard it again just before it all went blank again.

I heard his voice again. "I think she is starting to come out of it, she doesn't seem to be in as much pain as yesterday."

I tried to open my eyes, but I was still in so much pain. Yesterday? How long have I been here I wondered as I drifted out again.

I woke up again and was oddly comforted by the voices even though I wasn't certain who they were. The burning was still there, but not as hot as before. It was changing, but I didn't know how or why.

I just kept drifting in and out of consciousness. I knew that there was someone there with me and I remember hearing the name Edward, but I didn't know anyone named Edward. 

I woke again and was able to open my eyes for what seemed like the first time in days. The burning was nearly gone now. I hadn't been on fire, I knew that now. My throat was dry and still burning though. I no longer felt like my blood was boiling, but something wasn't right. I didn't feel the same. I knew that this wasn't where I was supposed to be.

I didn't move, I wasn't sure where I was. I wasn't at home and it didn't look like I was in a hospital. I wasn't supposed to be anywhere. I'm not sure what happened. The last thing I remember before the burning pain was stepping off the edge of the cliff. There was no way I could have survived that, was there? It was becoming increasingly more apparent that I had though. If I did survive that fall surely I would be in more pain. I would with out a doubt have a lot of broken bones and bruises. I lifted my right arm over my head to look at it. It moved without any hesitation, there were no visible cuts or bruises. I repeated this with my other arm and both legs. The results were the same with each limb, in fact I felt remarkably good all over. 

I wasn't tired, but my eyes drifted closed as I pondered what on earth could have happened to me. Someone had to have seen me jump and been able get help pretty quickly. It just didn't seem possible though. I felt strong, but I wasn't ready to get up. I wanted to know where I was first. I knew the door had opened, but I just lay there not moving. 

"Esme sweetie, how are you feeling?" My eyes snapped open when I heard his voice. His pale hand was resting on my arm and when I looked up and saw him I knew immediately who he was. I knew why his voice was so familiar.

"Hello, Dr. Cullen. What happened, why am I here, and who is Edward?" 


	3. Awakening

_Thanks again to Amber my Beta!_

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How is it possible that he still looked the same? It was 10 years ago that I last saw him, but he was still as young and handsome as he was back then. Those eyes, they were the most beautiful golden color. There was no way I could ever forget those eyes.

It was in Columbus, I was 16 years old. My friend Allison and I decided, rather foolishly, that we were going to climb the big English Elm at the edge of her parents' property. They lived outside of town about a mile. It was late in the afternoon and it was a stupid thing to do. I only fell about eight feet, but I landed just right, or in my case wrong, and broke my leg. Dr. Harper was out of town caring for a woman that had just had a difficult delivery. My Dad ended up taking me to the little hospital in Columbus where Dr. Cullen was working. He set my leg and took care of me when I was in the hospital. He left town not too long after that, but I could never seem to forget him. 

There was something about him that was unforgettable. How is it possible that he hadn't changed in all these years? He looked so young still. I figured that he was probably about 25 back then. There were no visible signs that he had aged, none. He was as beautiful today as he was then. That was another thing that I remembered about him. He wasn't just handsome, he was beautiful. It's not a word that is commonly used to describe a man, but nothing else seemed to fit.

"It has been along time, hasn't it?" He asked me as he sat down in the chair towards the end of the bed. "I think the last time we met you were in much the same position. Of course, your leg was broken then."

"That's just one in a list of questions I have for you." I replied. "First of all, how did I get here? Second, how is it possible that I survived without so much as a scratch let alone half the bones in my body broken?"

"Well, first let me ask you. How are you feeling? You never answered me." He looked fairly relaxed as he sat there, so I assumed that there wasn't anything seriously wrong with me.

"Actually, considering what I just experienced, I feel pretty good. My throat is really dry and it burns a little. I don't understand why I am not really in any pain. The burning seemed to last for days, but I don't really feel anything now. No physical pain anyway." He was looking at me with those penetrating eyes; it was making it very difficult to concentrate. 

He smiled at me with perfectly straight and surprisingly white teeth. "I guess I can start answering your questions then. I was working when two men from town brought you to the hospital. The doctor that looked at you was unable to find a pulse so they took you to the morgue. I happened to be working in the morgue when they brought you in." He paused; he must have seen the look of shock that passed over my face.

"Are you saying that I was dead?" I couldn't hide the horror that I was feeling.

"No, I was able to find a pulse during my initial examination. It was so weak, though, it was no wonder the other doctor couldn't find it." He was still not explaining how I got here and why I wasn't a broken mess.

"Did you bring me here?" I asked, still confused.

"Edward and I did." That just left me with another question that he hadn't answered. He must have seen that it was coming next though. "Edward has been with me for almost 3 years now. I guess you could say he is my adopted son. His parents both died from Spanish Influenza in Chicago. I found him in much the same state as I found you. He was nearly dead from the Influenza. His mother died just hours before, but her last request was that I do anything in my power to save him." I could hear the affection in his voice when he spoke of Edward. 

"I see you kept your promise to his mother, but how?" I couldn't see how he could have saved Edward when he obviously couldn't save his mother. That brought my thoughts back to me…how was he able to save a woman who had quite obviously tried to take her own life by jumping off a cliff? Furthermore, why would he want to?

"Do you want to sit up?" He stood up, took my hand and helped me sit up, but I didn't feel weak at all. I knew I could have sat up easily without his help. He propped some pillows up behind me to make me more comfortable and then he sat down on the edge of the bed. 

"Where would you like me to start?" He took my hand in his. "I can start from the beginning, it's a long story, but I think it will be easier for you to understand if I start there."

"Well, I don't appear to have anywhere I need to be." I smiled as he stroked my hand. It felt so good to have someone touch me the way that he was. He was so gentle and reassuring.

"I don't want to frighten you too much, but my story started a very long time ago. I was born about 280 years ago, I don't remember the exact year though. It's been so long now and I remember so few things about that part of my life." He paused; the look on my face must have stopped him. I'm sure I looked a little incredulous. 

"I don't understand. How on earth are you here now? How is that possible?" I didn't know he could possibly explain this to me in a way that would make it even somewhat believable.

"My father was an Anglican pastor in London." He continued, ignoring the look on my face. "You have to understand, I grew up in a time of great religious persecution. My father was intent on ridding the world of evil. He believed that he was hunting witches, werewolves and vampires. I wasn't a believer, how could I be? As my father got older he wanted me to start leading the raids. I still didn't know if I believed, until I discovered a coven of vampires, true vampires, living in the sewers. I thought I was being clever so I set a trap and ended up chasing one of them down. I didn't think it would attack me, but I was wrong. It…he left me bleeding in the streets when he took off after another man."

I didn't know what to think. I had read stories of vampires, but I thought they were just that…stories. "Wait, a second, so you are telling me that you were bit…by a vampire?" I was so engrossed by his story though; I didn't want him to stop. 

"Yes and thanks to my father's obsession with vampires I knew what that entailed. Even though I thought that he was just telling stories, I always listened to him. I knew that once I was bit, there was no turning back. I couldn't go back home, I knew what he would do to me."

"You don't mean that, do you? He wouldn't kill his own son." I was horrified to think that anyone could do that.

"That's exactly what he would have done. I found a cellar and I stayed there until I knew my change was complete."

I was a little more than intrigued now. "How long did it take for you to, you know…change?" 

"At first I wasn't sure. It seemed like an eternity that I was in pain; I had never been in such agony. It felt like it was much longer, but it was only 3 days." His eyes seemed so far away now, but I knew that he was very aware of me. He was still holding my hand.

"So what did you do then? How have you made it this long?" I had read the stories about vampires, but they were just stories. The vampires in the stories were monsters, this man was no monster. That much I knew.

"Well, I knew what I was and I didn't want to be a monster. I felt the thirst, but I denied it. I was so disgusted by what I was that I tried to destroy myself. I jumped from cliffs, I tried to drown myself; I even tried to starve myself. Nothing worked; it's actually much harder to kill a vampire than most people believe. Eventually I could no longer stand the thirst and I attacked a herd of deer. I realized then that I could survive off the blood of animals. I have never taken a human life. Life has always been too precious to me."

"I don't understand though, how can you be a doctor? How can you be around humans and all the blood without becoming a monster?" I didn't want to sound mean, but I was confused by the conflict between the compassionate doctor I had seen, and the stories of vampires that I had heard. 

"Centuries of practice… In the beginning it was a struggle, believe me. I have been doing this for 250 years now. It took me a long time to build up an immunity to the scent of human blood. I wanted to be a doctor; I wanted to be able to save people. I believe I felt the need to atone for what I had become."

"How did you come to be here…now?" I was still struggling to believe him, but there was a part of me that knew he was telling the truth. It explained so much about him. How he could be that exact same man that I met when I was 16. That beautiful ageless man.

"I came to America about 30 years ago. You have to understand that when you look like I do there is only a certain length of time that you can stay in one place without raising some suspicion. I am sure you noticed that I haven't changed since we met 10 years ago. I can stay in a place and maintain a normal life for about 8 years or so, but after that people will start to notice that I am not aging like they all are."

"How old are you then, I mean, how old were you…before?" I wasn't sure how to put it, but I knew he understood me.

"I was 23 when I was bitten. So, I guess I am still 23 with an extra 250 some odd years of experience. Since I am a doctor people naturally assume that I am a little older and I can pass for early 30's if I need too, but too far beyond that isn't very believable." He was smiling now. "That means that you are 3 years older than me."

I was starting to understand. My mind was frantically putting the pieces together starting with Edward. "What about Edward, how does he fit in?"

"Well you know I left Columbus shortly after your accident. I knew that I needed to move on soon and when I met you I made up my mind that it needed to be sooner than I had originally planned."

"Wait a second…what do you mean? Why did you need to leave sooner because of me?" I was curious now and just a little bit angry. Why would he feel the need to flee town immediately after meeting me? 

He must have sensed the underlying anger in my question. "Please, don't take it the wrong way, that's not what I mean. When I met you that day, I felt like a part of me that had always been missing was suddenly there. I don't want to scare you, but I think that I was meant to be there that day. Just like I was meant to be here in this town now. You were so young then and I knew that if it were meant to be that I would find you again when the time was right. It seems now, that I have" He paused for a minute, like he was trying to remember where he was in his story.

"You were asking about Edward though. After I left Columbus, I went to Chicago and it was several years later that the Influenza epidemic hit. You know that part of the story. Edward's mother seemed to sense that I was more than just a doctor; it was as if she knew it was within my power to save her son. She had no idea what she was asking me, I didn't even know if it were possible for me to do. I promised her though and I knew I had to try. I had nothing to lose; he was going to die regardless. I took his body to the morgue just after I took hers. Everyone just assumed that he had died as well." He looked away from me, remembering. I could almost feel the loneliness in his voice.

"I didn't know the specifics of how I had been changed, just that I had been bitten. The only thing I knew to do was what had been done to me, so I duplicated the bites that I had received and I waited. It didn't take long and I knew that it must be working. I could tell that he was in immense pain, but after 3 days it was all over. He has been with me since then. After all the years of being alone it has been so wonderful to have a companion, someone who understands this life. We have been here in Wisconsin for a few years now, but we just came to town here a few weeks ago."

"What about me? How do I fit in?" I had a pretty good feeling what he was going to say. There was really only one explanation that made any sense. Wait, that's not entirely true. In fact, it made no sense at all, but it was the only way to explain how I was sitting in this bed and not six feet underground.

"Well, I think it was destiny that led me to this town at just the right time. I know it may sound morbid to you, but I think that all this was meant to happen so that I could find you again." He looked right into my eyes as he said it and I knew at that moment that I would believe anything he told me. "I don't know how else to explain how I came to be in that morgue when you were brought in. Or how you managed to survive a jump from a cliff when nearly every bone in your body was broken."

I knew it, but I didn't want to believe it. It was all starting to make sense now. "What day is it today?" I needed to know, to be sure.

"Today is Christmas Day."

It was true then, it had been three days. He had changed me…all the pain, the burning agony. I didn't know what to do first, yell at him for making me a vampire or thank him for saving me.


End file.
